What kind of mom forgets her son's end of year party?

I was sitting in a coffee shop enjoying the company of a good friend anda scrumptious gluten free brownie when I got the text.

It was 2:26 p.m. and the text read “Just a reminder about the 1P party today.”

Holy bad mom! It was my friend Rachael reminding me that our boys had a 1st grade end of year party at school that started at 2 p.m. And it was now 2:26. She was there and I was not.

Holy bad mom!

I jumped off the cozy coffee shop couch like someone lit a fire under my seat, barely said goodbye to my girlfriend and started running down the block trying to get to my son’s school, which was just around the block, before the party ended.

The last thing he said to me before he left today was “Mom, you’ll be there, right?” “Of course I’ll be there baby!” I assured him with a hug. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world!”

But I wasn’t there. I totally forgot.

The coffee shop was just down the road from the school. I ran to his school like I was running for my life. “How could I forget sweet Brennan’s party? What kind of mom forgets her son's end of year party?”

The school buzzed me in and I broke all the rules by not stopping by the front desk to sign in. I just wanted to get to my little guy.

I ran into his classroom with tears spilling from my eyes. The lights were dim and the teacher was playing a video highlighting all the memories of the year. I scanned the dark room for Brennan, and not only did I find Brenan, I found his big brother Cal standing behind him.

I made my way to Brennan, scooped him up and held him in my arms.

“I am so sorry. I am so so sorry. I know this was important to you and it was important to me too. I can’t believe I forgot.”

“It’s ok mom, he whispered in my ear. Mrs. P let me get Cal out of class to be with me for the party.”

I’ll admit, I had a hard time keeping it together. It may seem like a little thing but I just hated not being there when I said I would. I hate letting them down. I hate not keeping my word.

I wrapped my free arm around Cal and thanked him for being there for Brennan when I couldn’t. I told him how proud I was of him.

Sitting at the same table with Brennan and me was Rachael, the mom who sent me the text, and her son Charlie.

Seeing the guilt I was feeling, she offered a gentle word of encouragement, “This would be a good time to give yourself some grace.”

Another mom came alongside me and said, “You should be really proud of your boys. Cal was just an amazing big brother to Brennan. He took great care of him.”

My emotions were all over the place. I wasn’t there for Brennan but his hero, his big brother, came through. Was I to be reminded, God’s got this?

Cal returned to class and Brennan led me through his classroom collecting all of the projects he needed to pack up to take home. I was thankful for the 10 minutes I did get to spend at the party.

Class dismissed and as Brennan and I walked out the classroom door I began apologizing again. Brennan squeezed my hand and said, “Mom I was sad you weren’t here but its ok to make mistakes. I forgive you mom.”

“It’s ok to make mistakes.” That’s what my seven year old just said to me.

I’m still trying to make sense of how I feel about all of it.

There was a gift in seeing and hearing how Cal came through for his little brother.

There was a gift in hearing my son tell me its ok to make mistakes. I don’t expect him to be perfect and he doesn't expect me to be perfect. That’s a gift.

And there was a gift in being able to remind Brennan that although I love him to pieces and there is nothing more enjoyable to me than spending time with him, I am going to make mistakes and let him down BUT Jesus never will.

Jesus won’t forget to show up. Jesus won’t be late to the party. Jesus won't disappoint you because He got too busy and distracted.

I love them as best I can but Jesus loves them perfectly.

Always and only Jesus.